Ear: Greeting

“An Interesting Letter,” aka a grim seasonal greeting, in the Dec. 24, 1890 edition of The Daily Morning Astorian, is actually an advertisement, but with a distinctly Scrooge-like “Bah, humbug!” tone:

“To the People of Astoria and Surrounding Country: I herein state that I am already here, and I brought you over that … Russian Grippe (epidemic of 1890), and the German Croup, and I threw Scotch (as in liquor) Dundee William in the soup. Yours truly, Santa Claus.”

Children hearing that would likely hide under the furniture. Then, sounding even less like Santa, if that’s possible, the unjolly old elf adds a postscript:

“While here, my headquarters will be at the corner and Third and West Ninth streets, where I will be glad to welcome you all, and where you will fund suitable and useful presents for the holidays without encouraging faking or gambling of any kind whatsoever, which is pernicious in its tendencies at any time or place, let alone in your daily business transactions.

“You will easily find the place by the sign as below (I.L. Osgood, The Exclusive Clothier and Hatter). Signed, S.C.” So much for tidings of comfort and joy. (Photo: Monovisions)