SEASIDE – Sometimes you want to dress up, dine out and dazzle your sweetie. And not any restaurant will do, mind you. The place needs a flashy milieu, a money-doesn’t-matter feel, a sensational setting and an overflow of snob appeal.

There’s really only one establishment around here that fills the bill: the Seaside Shilo. Say what you will about the garish floor-to-ceiling mirrors, the wall-to-wall flower-motif carpeting, the gaudy chandeliers and the glassed-in aquatic center. This joint practically defines glitzy, even though the decor is straight out of the narcissistic 1980s. And naturally, the Shilo’s spendy: The most expensive room costs $329 (in the summer; less now), and without much difficulty a couple could drop a “C” note on a lavish repast.

Then there’s the primo placement, right at Seaside’s most celebrated intersection – Broadway and the beach. By virtue of its breathtaking location alone, the Shilo seems worth a visit. If you and your honey are fortunate enough to score a west-side window table just above the Prom and the Pacific, the two of you can wine, dine and sightsee simultaneously. Especially this time of year when winter sou’westers regularly rearrange the dunes and churn the ocean into a frothy cauldron.

OK, but beyond the frippery and apart from nature’s drama, what about the food? Is there a kitchen worth crowing about? Based on a couple of recent visits, the answer is mostly no.

On one hand, the Shilo restaurant is on firmer footing after almost 19 years in business. The menu no longer is as ostentatious as the surrounding glint and glitter. True, there are few surprises, but the selection is superior, ranging from a breakfast buffet and burgers to seafood stew and portabello ravioli finished with a feta-cream sauce.

The restaurant’s downside is that the kitchen’s performance is uneven and its identity remains uncertain, with no standout signature dishes and a few cliche meals. Halibut, for example. Nothing wrong with the hazelnut version (topped with a creamy sauce) served here. Still, most high-end eateries pitched this recipe late last century in favor of a more creative, and healthier, preparation for what’s become the Northwest’s second most popular seafood filet. Salmon, which is still number one, gets a cedar-planked treatment, a better rendering of this Washington-farmed fish than some overpowering sauce.

Already passe in urban areas such as Portland and Seattle, but still a rarity around these parts, a portabello “burger” is a nice touch. A juicy slab of forest fungi is topped with melted Swiss and grilled zucchini, the whole shebang sandwiched into a chewy bun. Butter lettuce, a thick-sliced tomato and red onion rings are served on the side, accompanied by a passel of overcooked, second-rate fries. Sadly, the latter devalues what’s otherwise a fine meal, and bottled ketchup is the sole condiment.

Some potentially exciting side dishes suffer from lack of execution. Orzo, tiny oval-shaped pasta that is a top-flight alternative starch, is paired with a medley of coconut prawns, halibut and crab cakes. But the orzo arrives with nary a hint of spices or herbs and hardly even a wisp of butter – kind of like eating spaghetti without sauce. Far more appetizing is the mango-rum dip served alongside the seafood. Plump Dungeness crab cakes are particularly savory, the ample chunk of halibut is cooked right, while the heavily breaded prawns are crunchy with coconut.

Simple but effective is a massive and tender New York steak blanketed with thin slivers of tasty, deep-fried “crisped” onions and flanked by garlic mashed potatoes, carrots, broccoli and spaghetti squash. Offering the latter, a mildly flavored root vegetable, is one more wonderful idea that falls flat from lack of seasonings. Even worse, the broccoli was mushy and tepid. Another beefeater’s delight, the 10-ounce ribeye crusted with peppercorns receives a sherry-brandy bath flecked with mushrooms.

Portions are gargantuan, which begs the question: Why not serve less food, but prepare it with more care? Instead of flaunting meal size, the kitchen should attend to the details that would make dining here memorable.

You’d expect the Shilo experience to include a lavish dessert tray, but the choices are unexceptional slices of this or that cake or pie from some wholesale purveyor. Tiramisu cake, for instance, is a middling version affording only a faint suggestion of espresso and no distinctive chocolate essence.

Service can be sketchy: attentive some moments, virtually non-existent at other times. During the course of a 90-minute dinner on what could only be called a bad night, a quartet of friendly servers couldn’t effectively attend to six tables. Wine didn’t arrive on time, appetizer plates never appeared, tableware wasn’t cleared in a timely manner, and no coffee refills were offered. When it was time to pay the bill, all the servers temporarily disappeared.

“Affordable excellence” is the Shilo’s motto – a reflection of the lodging experience, perhaps, but the food is far from first-rate. Even factoring in the million-dollar view, a meal here isn’t much of a value.

Contact the Mouth at The Daily Astorian, P.O. Box 210, Astoria, OR 97103 or phone (503) 325-3211 or e-mail mouth@dailyastorian.com

The Shilo Oceanfront Restaurant and Lounge, 30 N. Prom, Seaside; (503) 738-8481Hours: 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily (the lounge is open later)

Prices: Expensive. Appetizers and most lunch entrees cost $7 or more; dinners range from $12 to $26. Two people could spend $75 or more on a dinner consisting of an appetizer, entrees, desserts, wine or drinks and tip.

Superior selections: Shrimp cocktail, Dungeness crab cakes, pan-fried oysters, New York steak

Atmosphere: Glitz with an ocean view

Service: Attentive some moments, non-existent at others and not as professional as you’d expect at such a high-end establishment.

Kid-friendly: Lunch or early evening are the best times for youngsters, and the menu offers ample choices.

Vegetarian options: Slim pickings, including portabello ravioli, angel hair portifino and two salads.

Alcohol: Full bar. The wine selection is average.

Access: The entrance and restrooms are accessible to those with disabilities.

Credit cards: All major cards

Personal checks: OK

Reservations: Recommended on weekends (especially if you want a window table)

Smoking: In the lounge only