Morsels from The Daily Astorian, Feb. 27, 1883:

• Are you exposed to malarial influences? Then protect your system by using Parker’s Ginger Tonic. It strengthens the kidneys and liver to throw off the malarial poisons, and is good for general debility and nervous exhaustion.

Note: It appears that this is probably one of the few patent medicines that isn’t loaded with morphine and/or alcohol. It’s mostly ginger and buchu, which is “a plant used for urinary tract infections, diuretic and anti-inflammatory effects,” according to drugs.com.

• Those terrible scientists have discovered that drinking cider gives one the gout. It has long been discovered that milk is impure and water is positively unsafe. Those science men must draw the line somewhere.