Hmmm. My birthdays approaching and friends and acquaintances have started asking me what kind of gift Id like.

No problem. Give me dark chocolate the food of the gods, the divine nectar, the currency of the Aztecs. Since Ive consumed a lot of chocolate in my life, I must confess that I know a lot about this wondrous delectable.

And Im in good company. Fellow confessed chocolate aficionados include celebs like Robin Williams, Natalie Portman, Angelina Jolie, Shakira and Sandra Bullock. You could add the not-so-respected, hooked-on-chocolate Marquis de Sade.

So, why this penchant for the cocoa bean? It makes me happy and healthy, helps maintain friendships, stimulates conversations, makes great gifts (hint, hint) and provides wonderful opportunities to surprise others.

Im not much interested in those throwaway cheap chocolate bars I once wolfed down (though packages of M&Ms still appeal to me). No, Im talking about chocolate with high cocoa content, high fat and not too much sugar. The kind of mouth-watering chocolate I witnessed while watching that charming, whimsical 2000 film, Chocolat. I needed a towel to wipe up the drool on the floor, as I observed the pagan chocolatier Vianne whip up her delectable concoctions, converting conservative Christian French villagers and creating happy moments and improved relationships.

Research about the benefits of chocolate is convincing. Dark chocolate (consumed in moderation) boosts memory, improves our attention span, aids problem-solving, increases reaction time and contributes to reduced blood pressure. Its good for the heart and helps ward off cancer.

Dark chocolate (loaded with pure cocoa) can thwart bacterial growth and help prevent tooth decay. And who can forget the euphoria induced when consuming chocolate as tryptophan increases endorphins and produces a serotonin substitute.

Chocolate may be highly toxic for dogs and cats, but in sugar-free format, its an excellent laxative for humans. (Montezuma was a famous chocolate lover and lets not forget about Montezumas revenge.) For good measure, let me add that chocolate inspired the invention of the microwave oven. And its cheaper than therapy, and you dont need an appointment.

There is a dark side of chocolate, but it seems manageable. For instance, you might become enamored with Switzerland, the land of chocolate, cheese, cuckoo clocks, army knives, bank accounts, neutrality and the Matterhorn. That could become a budget buster. So simply substitute a vacation destination like, say, Hawaii, where Spam continues to rule the palate.

Chocolate can also melt in your pocket or stain your fingers, teeth and clothing. No problem. Just keep some Shout wipes nearby or use a fork.

If you frequently purchase quantities of quality chocolate, you might also experience some budget problems. Set aside a manageable chocolate budget line item or try to purchase chocolate only in months whose letters contain the letter A, E or U.

Some books contain strange recipes using chocolate. You could try chocolate avocado pie, salted fried eggplant drizzled with dark chocolate, goat cheese with chocolate, double chocolate zucchini muffins, chocolate bacon cupcakes or even chocolate beer truffles. Or you might just stick with rich dark chocolate, eaten separately or adorning chocolate peanut butter pie or cranberry tarts.

That said, gentle readers, if youre inclined to purchase some dark chocolate for me, I subtly suggest a pound of Sees dark ($17.50), or (if youre inclined to splurge) a Ghirardelli 10-pound bar, complete with chisel ($50). Or if you have lots of extra cash to toss my way, purchase the No.-1-in-the-world chocolate, Pacari Ecuadorian organic chocolate, banana covered in dark chocolate (two ounces in a pack of six for a mere $66).That small treat must be tasted very slowly, allowing the chocolate to melt on your tongue. It should produce a longer-lasting buzz than a kiss.

So, if youre feeling tired or depressed and need sweet stuff and some instant glucose, try dark chocolate. If youre undergoing PMS (Provide Me with Sweets), go on a chocolate binge. And if youre tired of your new diet featuring butternut squash soup and baby arugula salad with pine nuts try chocolate instead.

Me? Ill just continue my infatuation with chocolate, curling up by the fireplace, watching Chocolat or Forrest Gump (Life is like a box of chocolates) or Alfred Hitchcocks Psycho once again. (Hitchcock used Bosco chocolate syrup in the famous shower scene.)

And because the after-taste of a supremely decadent piece of dark chocolate minimizes snacking or heavy meals during the rest of my day, Ill never worry about being buried in a piano case.

Ocean Park, Wash., resident Robert Brake, who is available to accept dark chocolate birthday gifts, can be reached at oobear@centurytel.net

Try to purchase chocolate only in months whose letters contain the letter A, E or U.