I think a lot of why Im in journalism is because its a job where my goal is to take in a lot of information and turn it into a story. I gather information, break it down and try to explain it to other people in simple understandable ways. The process for me is about finding meaning. Often as I interview people or cover events I ask myself what is the story here? Im trying to find my own narrative for events.

I think this impulse to find meaning is a very human thing. When we see things that horrify us we either have to try to wrap our head around it or ignore it. Ive never been able to ignore it, which is hard because Im the kind of person who has strong emotional reactions to reading news stories or looking at photos from whatever tragedy is breaking.

The moment that caused me to have a strong reaction with the recent shooting at a movie theater in Aurora, Colo. during a midnight showing of the new Batman movie was looking through photos from the Denver Post the day after it happened. In the photos you see the grief-stricken family members searching for information about their missing loved ones. Although the shooting was already a tragedy, these images are what brought the tragedy that killed 12 people home for me.

I spent a lot of time in the days that followed devouring news stories about the events. I kept hoping something would tell me why the accused shooter James Holmes would kill and injure so many innocent people. I know there is no possible justification for his actions, but I think its easier to sleep at night if you can put these actions in some kind of category. Is Holmes a political radical like Anders Breivik or Jared Lee Loughner? Is he a bitter social outcast like Kip Kinkel who shot up Thurston High School near my hometown Eugene when I was in the sixth grade?

Maybe on some level I want to put this shooting into a category so I can feel like there is some way to remedy it (even if there isnt).

However, in spite of my desire to understand why Holmes would do what he is accused of doing, the news stories Ive read have not given me any insight. Even weeks of massive media attention later the public really knows very little about Holmes.

Over the weekend after the shooting I watched both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight as Id planned to do before going to see the Dark Knight Rises on Sunday. Although Id intended to watch the movies anyway, I think there was something else I was looking for as I watched them: I was hoping to understand why someone could watch these and be inspired to commit violence.

It wasnt hard to find dark, violent themes in the movies. However, I mostly just felt like I was watching a movie, not gaining insight into the mind of a killer. The movies were just pulpy entertainment and I didnt feel like they gave me any insight into Holmes or his motives.

As I went into the Dark Knight Rises I still was looking for some insight, something that would help me understand why Holmes became a killer.

I didnt, of course, find any. As I watched the movie I realized it was just that: a movie. No more, no less. In fact, despite its violence the movie has strong themes of redemption and hope, and people rising to defeat violence.

In the days since then Ive begun to realize why I was looking so hard for understanding of this issue: if we understand what causes someone to lose their minds and do something like this, maybe we can prevent it. Im sure that this impulse is foolish, but I guess looking for answers is my coping mechanism for horror like this.

As I reflect, I think my personal search for meaning is colored by a dark thought: that we will go through a tragedy like this again. What is nearly as upsetting to me as this incident itself is the knowledge that America, as a culture, has accepted that mass killings are a part of life. We no longer rage over them or even discuss seriously how to prevent them from happening again. I remember when Gabrielle Giffords was shot a pundit complained about how people would try to use the tragedy as evidence for the need for gun control. Although I have very mixed feelings about gun control, I remember thinking that anyone trying to use shootings to argue for gun control would be making a valid argument and it should at least be a part of the conversation.

However, shootings like this dont start real conversations about preventing them any more. After the Columbine shooting, Colorado enacted new gun laws. While this shooting seems to show that they havent stopped mass shootings in the state, at least people were willing to try something after Columbine.

Now, it seems as a society weve accepted that this kind of insane violence is a part of life.

I dont have any ideas for how we solve this problem. I personally suspect that these shootings are a sign of some deeper problems in our culture. I honestly dont think that we can stop shootings completely with gun control, but at least I appreciate the sentiment of its advocates: that this is a problem that can be fixed. At least that attitude it is better than the apathy and acceptance of the rest of us.

Despite the fervid media attention to the case, I think trying to understand James Holmes and his motives isnt what I think will solve our problems We need to pull back and take a look at our culture.

The meaning that comes from this must be created by all of us. We, as a people, need to take a good hard look at ourselves and try to understand and then fix our society so that we dont create any more James Holmes. While he is a symptom, he is not the disease, and we need to be looking for ways to cure the culture that creates people like this. Above all, we need to make sure that we dont just accept this as a part of our lives.