‘Twas the perfect day for an offseason wedding. Clouds blanketed Cannon Beach with sufficient wetness to justify rain pants. Enough bluster was present to dispense with hair styling. 

Family members and friends huddled together on the sodden sand south of Ecola Creek. For the first time in my life, I was asked to officiate a wedding. The betrothed couple said they wanted me, even though I’m not an ordained anything, because of my core commitment to marriage.

Truth is, I am obsessed with it. Watt’s dream world is populated with souls who love their spouses as themselves. That marital bond is a primary building block for a society that embraces the golden rule.

The ceremony was short, as requested. I said a few words about the ties that bind, then read a passage the couple had chosen from The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. They exchanged vows, wept, gave each other rings and kissed.

I shouted “mazel tov!” and that was it. Less than 10 minutes capped their first seven years together with the pledge to live the rest of their lives as one.

Shocking news

Weeks later, my wife Jennifer and I revisited the meaning of that oneness during a drive to the Portland airport. The sudden trip to Tennessee was prompted by news that my dad had stopped breathing for six to 10 minutes after a surprise heart attack. We were thunderstruck by the thought of his death, and the days ahead for my mom.

Emily and Harold Childress have been married for more than 50 years, a little more than twice the time that Jennifer and I have been a couple. Like them, we depend on each other. The heft of that reality rolled over us on the way to Portland, where I would board a plane and she would head back to our farm and daughters in the Nehalem Valley.

I drove. Jennifer navigated. We talked.

“My grandparents relied on each other for 70 years,” Jennifer said. “When Papa died, Mama learned to get by on her own. Yet she still spoke to him.”

Margaret and Nason James (that’s how I knew them) were a comfort and an inspiration. Visits with them in Seattle always provided a beloved break from the mean chaos of the status quo. Their tiny apartment was an island of sweet sanity. Like my parents, they showed us how couples partner for the long haul.

The value of that partnership is overlooked in a society focused on individual egos. Mass media portrays matelessness as the mode of freedom, excitement and personal growth. At the same time, some people view marriage as a government-run club that should exclude couples based on gender.

All that flies out the window when helpmates stand at death’s door. Jennifer and I spoke of what we are likely to face when we arrive at the same place as my parents. In my shock at the prospect of sudden death, I imagined how our union would transform.

“Get in the right lane,” Jennifer advised.

Several days later, I was flooded with gratitude when Dad was able to move his hands and toes. No one knew what the lack of oxygen would do to his brain. But we realized he was still cognizant when Dad said “Emily” and looked up at Mom with a big smile. These were the first baby steps in a miraculous recovery that showcased their love.

Strength in vows

When my friends first asked me to officiate their wedding, I told them up front that I believed no earthly authority beyond their vows had the power to pronounce them married. I described how Jennifer and I made that pronouncement on the train tracks one day in Knoxville, just us and God.

I also told them how it shatters my heart when couples I know split up. It’s like a death to me, especially when children are involved. When they said “We feel the same way,” I knew down deep why they wanted me for the job.

Matrimony isn’t for everybody. Plenty of good people are fated to stay single, and there are compelling reasons for divorce.

Yet the ideal of marriage is worthy of much broader public affirmation. Fixation on sexual orientation has been a divisive distraction from that ideal, in my opinion. Time to acknowledge the legitimacy of marital vows for all couples who embrace that common commitment.

The lifelong union of mutual care is a miracle. Come rain or shine, we have cause to celebrate when two people offer that gift to the world.

Watt Childress owns Jupiter’s Books in downtown Cannon Beach and he publishes upperleftedge.com. Email him at wattchildress@yahoo.com.