Rod Jones

Are the heavens playing some kind of sick joke on us? It seemed like only a week ago I was trying on my acid-washed cut-offs and Lynrd Skynrd T-shirt, making sure everything still fits after the winter.

Its good to get a jump on Punxstawny Phil, just in case a few extra visits to the gym are necessary. After a couple really nice weekends in a row I decided to pull out the summer clothes a little earlier this year.

But hold the phone a second. Here it comes; its back to rain, wind and more rain. The temperature drops 20 degrees in less than a day, and suddenly the beach is like a ghost town again, complete with bouncing tumbleweed. Where did all those people go?

Its that kind of inconsistency that must drive business owners mad. Its impossible to know how busy it will be from one day to the next, because tourists are wondering whether or not to chance a trip to the coast. Even businesses that count on bad weather cant adequately prepare, because weather forecasts are only a snippet of what a given day will actually look like.

Thats why we need more global warming, if indeed thats what were getting. Its hard to say for sure whether global warming is for real.

Sure, the science is nearly unanimous that the planet is getting warmer, and even more specifically that humans are to blame. But that doesnt mean we have to trust them.

After all, scientists have a reputation for experimenting with the drugs they design. Ergo, nothing they say can be trusted.

But lets assume those drugged-out scientists are right. Some might argue that the change in weather patterns would harm almost all of the Earth. Some regions will dry up, others will get record-breaking blizzards (which doesnt make sense because the planet is supposed to be getting warmer, so they say) and natural disasters like tornadoes and hurricanes will become the daily norm.

Well, hold on there Mr. Pocket Protector liberal, also known as a member of the scientific community. We here on the Oregon coast should be just fine. We might get a little extra rain, but Im betting our summers will be fantastic. We might lose a couple inches worth of beach due to ocean rise, but we have plenty where that came from.

It must have been forever since a tornado or hurricane hit this region, and blizzards will likely dump more inland. Record heat here would be, what, 100 degrees or so? No problem. Humans can handle that.

Once all those suckers that live in other places start suffering the effects of “global warming,” theyll race over here and start dropping their money all over town. Lets just say were on the ground floor getting started.

Sure, it would be taking a chance of something going horribly wrong here, too. But taking chances is the name of the business game. And I like those odds.

As a final note, companies that specialize in cleaning up natural disasters will grow to incredible strength. Because the Oregon coast will be basically untouched, those businesses will want to be stationed here. The job possibilities are almost endless.

After all, more business is what its all about, right?