SCREEN SCENE: Diesel and Disney actually do mix

Published 4:00 pm Wednesday, March 9, 2005

You know you’re watching a PG-rated Disney movie when Vin Diesel briefs his highly trained Navy S.E.A.L. squadron for their dangerous upcoming mission by barking, “The enemy has a boat … four jetskis … and a chopper.”

If you can get past the dumbing down of the script to a level that 6-year-olds can understand, and you don’t mind foreseeing every plot development about half an hour before it happens, then “The Pacifier” is actually one fun little movie.

Diesel’s probably not destined for a career in comedy, but he certainly seems to be having a good time temporarily trading in racecars and machine guns for diapers and a minivan. He plays Lt. Shane Wolfe, whose assignment is to guard the family of an assassinated scientist who was working on a secret weapons system for the government nicknamed “G.H.O.S.T.” The CIA thinks the project may be hidden at the family’s home, so Wolfe’s aim is to search for the disk and prevent it from being stolen by enemy operatives while the scientist’s widow is in Switzerland trying to retrieve the contents of a safe deposit box that may hold the key to the program.

Left in his care are bratty teen Zoe (Brittany Snow), sullen 14-year-old Seth (Matt Thieriot), bright-eyed Lulu (Morgan York), not-quite-potty-trained 3-year-old Peter and baby Tyler, whose penchant for crying when Lulu stares at him cross-eyed comes in quite handy in a crunch. And there’s Gary, the pet duck, who’s also not bad in a fight.

Besides having to deal with temper tantrums, diaper rash, bedtime routines and Firefly meetings (think Brownie Girl Scouts), Wolfe butts heads with the school’s vice principal and wrestling coach, Mr. Murney, played with a nicely inflated ego by Brad Garrett of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” And just to keep things interesting, a couple of hooded ninjas keep breaking in and trying to steal G.H.O.S.T.

“The Pacifier” does stretch the limits of its PG rating when it comes to violence. Hand-to-hand combat rules the day in a string of scenes from the military mission in the intro to Diesel’s knockdown dragout with frazzled household helper Carol Kane, to turning the shy troop of Fireflies into martial arts masters. Granted, there’s not a drop of blood onscreen, and most of the “oofs” are comically delivered, but parents may want to think about how their kids will deal with the old fire-extinguisher-upside-the-head routine before plunking them down in the theater seats.

There’s a refreshing honesty to the script, though, that changes Wolfe and the kids from foes to friends – and almost family – in a humble, believable way. Brittany Snow is especially convincing in a scene where the pressures of losing her father and trying to be strong for her siblings break down her snotty teen facade.

Though Vin Diesel is the last person I’d normally compare to Julie Andrews, the story parallels “The Sound of Music” in more ways than one. And any time I can leave a theater humming “The hills are alive …” is a good day at the movies for me.

“The Pacifier”

Rated PG for action violence, language and rude humor

Starring: Vin Diesel, Faith Ford, Brad Garrett, Brittany Snow, Lauren Graham

Directed by: Adam Shankman

Length: One hour 31 minutes

Now playing at: Astoria Gateway Cinemas, Cannes Cinema Center in Seaside, Neptune Theatre in Long Beach, Wash.

Short take: Vin Diesel is a commando-turned-babysitter in this kid-friendly Disney romp. It may not stretch viewers’ intellectual capacities, but the laughs are frequent and you may feel a tug on your heartstrings now and then.

Rating: Two and a half stars (out of four)