How many cars can you crash, anyway?

Not counting minor fender-benders, I estimate five pileups in “Taxi.” And is it just me, or has driving against traffic become a staple of action movies?

Don’t get me wrong, the movie’s cute. Plenty of laughs, including a run-in with laughing gas, and the scene where Vanessa, the villain (Gisele Bundchen) checks the female police lieutenant (Jennifer Esposito) she’s kidnapping for hidden weapons is so provocative that one of the other (male) cops asks, “Can I get her to kidnap me too?” This movie will bring out the adolescent boy inside.

Bundchen and three equally hot sidekicks, who first appear on screen to the tune of “Wild Thing,” are determined to rob as many banks as possible and get out of town. They have fast cars, well-laid plans and discipline, such as when they are pulled over and the girls work almost telepathically to flirt and distract the officer. They also disguise their getaway car by changing the license plate and the paint. It peels off. Really.

So what stands in their way? Not-so-sterling policeman Jimmy Fallon.

Oh, God. Even knowing cops on screen are generally jerks, working with the bad guys or just bumbling idiots, Fallon’s level of incompetence is hard to accept. His work in an undercover operation, disguising himself as Cuban with an incredibly bad shirt and mustache, is painful. He causes almost all of the car accidents through his horrible driving and gets arrested by his own department several times. One of the finest moments of the movie is when exasperated boss Esposito finally fires him – and he has to turn in a blowtorched badge that he’s been using as a money clip.

Esposito, incidentally, is both competent and not much of a jerk. Because of this, I heard whispers guessing that she was working with the crooks. Cops in movies just have to be one of the three.

Fallon is saved over and over by Isabelle Precious Williams (Queen Latifah), a taxi driver with one souped-up cab. Latifah’s vehicle is commandeered by Fallon, who tells her she can ignore all speed limits and traffic lights. This makes her day, and Latifah takes off.

But when all seems lost: the money, Fallon’s job, Latifah’s boyfriend- Latifah goes crazy. She lets Fallon drive her precious taxi. This is someone who can’t drive for three feet without causing an accident. Then she gets even crazier. She gets him to sing. And all of a sudden, the man can drive, though just for the record, he can’t sing.

Then there is a breakthrough. The crooks are spotted. And Fallon does something cops in movies never, ever do. He calls for backup. After trying to work alone, and failing, for most of the movie, Fallon admits he needs help. And it’s right about then that he stops looking like an idiot and actually does something competent. There may be a life lesson there.

Not that Fallon’s perfect. When he tells Latifah “trust me,” and she does, it’s absolutely certain she will live to regret it. She winds up getting shot. And when Fallon masterminds an attempt to exchange the kidnapped Esposito for a bag of cash, he decides he needs to grab Esposito without giving up the money. Because trying to transfer a person from one speeding car to another isn’t complicated enough.

“Taxi” is a decent movie for humor, hot babes and car chases. It’s basically a stereotyped guy’s movie, although there was one butt shot of Fallon that wasn’t terrible. But he got away with calling Latifah “baby” way too many times. I was truly disappointed in her for not belting him one for that, or for when he tried to soothe her with “I’ve got chocolate!”

“Taxi”

Rated PG-13 for language, sensuality and brief violence

Starring: Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah, Henry Simmons, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bundchen

Directed by: Tim Story

Length: One hour 37 minutes

Now playing at: Astoria Gateway Cinemas, Cannes Cinema Center in Seaside

Short take: An incredibly bumbling cop, played by Jimmy Fallon, has no choice when his license is taken away for monstrously bad driving, but the sexiest robbers imaginable just started holding up banks: He has to take a cab. Queen Latifah’s cab.

Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Movie trivia: Queen Latifah’s real name is Dana Owens. What does “Latifah” mean?

Answer: “Latifah” is Arabic for “delicate and sensitive.”